Now There’s 3, Sorry…4! Kohl’s and Big Lots Enter the Fray During 2014’s Escalating “War of the Wool,” Offering Their Own 1:6 Scale (Plus-sized) Sweaters for G.I. Joe———and a Santa Suit!

Fearless TJR Field Reporter, Ed Kozak, displays his mini-me GIjOE, complete with matching Santa hat and a suit coat now being sold at Kohl's Department Stores. (Photo: Ed Kozak)

Happy Holidays, Jolly Joeheads! Fearless TJR Field Reporter and GIjOE fan, Ed Kozak, holds up his mini-me Adventurer, complete with recently purchased mini Santa hat and suit coat (both now available at Kohl’s). (Photo: Ed Kozak)

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. In less than ONE week, we’ve received reports that up to FOUR major retailers are now offering slightly different variations of those 1:6 scale (plus-sized) sweaters, purportedly intended for use as “Christmas tree ornaments” or (get this) “wine bottle covers.” But of course, GIjOE fans all know how these items will REALLY end up being used—as fodder for kitbashing and figure customizations, ‘natch! In fact, the staff here at The Joe Report believes the manufacturers of these so-called, “War of the Wool” products, probably had good intentions all along (originally), but then something must’ve gone horribly awry at the factory and well…we can just imagine the sort of product strategy meetings that followed:

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“We need to sell a couple’a thousand gross of these cute (ugly) little Barbie/GIjOE Christmas sweaters. But our seamstresses in China kinda goofed on the sizes. Some are too short, some are too long, some are too small, some are too big. Ya know? What should we do? We’ve got freighter crates full of this stuff!” 

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“Now, now. Calm down. Here, have a little wine while we talk this ‘sitchiation’ over. Okay. How about this idea… Other than slightly shorter sleeves, this batch fits GIjOEs fine, right? Let’s just put little hangers inside ’em, box ’em up and ship ’em off to Michael’s where they can call ’em ‘Christmas ornaments’ or whatever the heck they want. I betcha they’ll still sell like hotcakes!”

(Stock photo: geekwidget)

Some SERIOUS thought went into these new miniature sweater products. You betcha! (Photo: geekwidget)

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“Mmm… I like your thinking, handsome. Sorta like ‘repurposing’ them into something else entirely, huh? That’s clever! And it’ll save our jobs, too. May I have some more of that wine, please? Thanks. (Sipping, she slowly slips one of the larger-sized sweaters on top of the long, thick neck of the wine bottle and then coyly eyes her muscular co-worker, saying…) Hmm… Couldn’t people just put these bigger ones on wine bottles—or something similar—and then Target could sell ’em as, I don’t know, ‘wine bottle sweaters?’ What do you think?”

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“NOW you’re getting the idea, beautiful! The sillier the product idea the better. I’m sure we can find lots of ways to undress…er, unLOAD this stuff.” (and so on)

Intrepid TJR Field Reporter, Kyle Knox, suits up for another dangerous run into his local Kohl's department store in search of 1:6 scale sweaters and Santa suits. Ho-Ho-Yo, Joe! (Photo: Kyle Knox)

Intrepid TJR Field Reporter, Kyle Knox, suited up for another dangerous mission into his local Kohl’s department store in search of 1:6 scale sweaters and Santa suits. Ho-Ho, Joe! (Photo: Kyle Knox)

Fantasy scenarios aside, two more of TJR’s intrepid Field Reporters wrote in today to provide the serious intel and facts we so desperately require on this all-important topic. First, tough-as-nails Kyle Knox (shown at right) returned to base recently after a long “retail recon” and filed the following riveting report:

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“Kohl’s has some as well! I paused for a few seconds to look at them. My wife noticed I wasn’t with her after a few steps. She looked back and said, ‘I know exactly what you’re thinking, do you see one Joe would want?”

We’re constantly amazed by Knox’s composure under fire. Keep up the good work, Kyle! Remember to keep your head down, buddy! Immediately after Knox’s report finished ticking off our teletype machine, a second eagle-eyed TJR Field Reporter, Ed Kozak (see photo at top of article), wrote in with his own amazing “silly sweater sighting.” To wit, Ed said:

“I was strolling through Big Lots today and saw this Santa suit set for $4. This is a bottle costume like those ugly Michael’s sweaters. I was quite surprised to see them there. Oh, I forgot to mention, they also have a Mrs. Claus outfit, also for $4. Fits GIjOE and GIJane perfectly, but they’ll need the waists to be cinched up a bit. My Joe needed something warm to wear, living south of Buffalo, NY. 

Ed Kozak's fuzzhead Joe was self-created, using techniques learned from 1:6 accessories company, Patches of Pride. Fuzzy faces need fuzzy hats too! (Photo: Ed Kozak)

Ed Kozak’s fuzzhead Joe was self-flocked. Fantastic job, Ed! (Photo: Ed Kozak)

I thought I would also mention one other tidbit of information about my Joe in the Santa Suit. He was actually a 40th anniversary Action Pilot that I custom flocked using the instructions from Patches of Pride (HERE). Awesome stuff! I always wanted to be able to flock my figures without all that machinery, in a nice and easy way. Thanks for the instructions. Have a great Thanksgiving. And thanks for the awesome Joe Report!”

We like the variety of choices being offered at Kohl's. That short, frilly Mrs. Santa outfit would look good on any 1:6 scale female figure's figure! You may need some red hot pants or tights to complete the outfit, but this is a great start! (Photo: Kyle Knox)

We like the variety of choices offered at Big Lots. That short, frilly Mrs. Santa miniskirt would look great on any 1:6 scale female figure. You may need some red tights to complete the outfit, but they’re a great start! (Photo: Kyle Knox)

Bottom Line: There seems to little shortage of these (almost) 1:6 scale sweater and mini-costume outfits this year. Of course we were being facetious about their origins, but their potential as 1:6 scale holiday costumes for GIjOE and Barbie is undeniable. Most will require minor adjustments here and there, but that’s a good excuse for you to practice your needle and thread skills, right? And, with each passing day, their availability at participating retailers nationwide seems to grow. So…get out there and getcha some! Editor’s note: Our thanks to trusty TJR Field Reporters Kyle Knox and Ed Kozak for their generous contributions to this article. You’re the BEST! —Mark 🙂

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One thought on “Now There’s 3, Sorry…4! Kohl’s and Big Lots Enter the Fray During 2014’s Escalating “War of the Wool,” Offering Their Own 1:6 Scale (Plus-sized) Sweaters for G.I. Joe———and a Santa Suit!

  1. Brian Crowe says:

    Why can’t we get these over here in the UK?

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